Avodah Mailing List

Volume 38: Number 4

Wed, 15 Jan 2020

• 1. Adopting Outside the Community (Micha Berger)
• 2. hilchot hochacha (laws of giving rebuke) (Rich, Joel)
• 3. hedgehog? (Rich, Joel)
• 4. Re: Using Bein Adam laMakom to Motivate Bein Adam?laChaveiro (Toby Katz)
• 5. Re: Using Bein Adam laMakom to Motivate Bein Adam?laChaveiro (Rich, Joel)
• 6. Re: Using Bein Adam laMakom to Motivate Bein Adam?laChaveiro (Micha Berger)

In <http://bit.ly/2QVJlzv>, or
https://mosaicmagazine.com/observation/politics-current-affairs/2020/01/why-orthodox-jews-have-been-hesitant-to-adopt-outside-their-community-and-why-they-shouldnt-be/
Malka Groden ("a domestic-adoption advocate in the American Jewish community")
writes and article titled:
    Why Orthodox Jews Have Been Hesitant to Adopt Outside Their Community,
    and Why They Shouldn't Be

I am posting to Avodah because I am including her summaries of points
made by RMMS (about the duty to raise nitzotzos, including those in
non-Jews) and by RYBS (from Family Redeemed about natural vs covenantal
parenthood).

And afterwood, the thoughts I had on the subject of adopting non-Jews,
developing since the days when we did.

   ...
   There is, however, one group of American Jews who are indeed marrying
   young, having children, and building families deeply connected to
   Jewish communal infrastructure through synagogues, schools, and a broad
   range of support organizations. That group comprises both the Charedim
   and the [M]odern Orthodox...

   In recent decades, indeed, the Orthodox world has become adept at
   devising arrangements in support of individuals and families going
   through life's most significant challenges: medical crises,
   infertility, domestic violence, drug addiction, poverty, and more. The
   organization In Shifra's Arms, for example, supports, emotionally,
   practically, and financially, Jewish women facing unplanned
   pregnancies; for another example, the Jewish Children's Adoption
   Network has placed thousands of Jewish babies with special needs in
   Jewish homes nationwide.

   But there's the rub: float within Orthodox precincts any suggestion of
   becoming involved with the issue of foster care and adoption in the
   larger society, and the initial response will likely be, "But those
   children aren't Jewish. Why is this a Jewish cause?"

   ...
   [The Lubavitcher] Rebbe taught that Jews are tasked with revealing not
   only their own "divine spark" but also the divine spark that resides
   within each human being, Jew and non-Jew alike. Thus, among Chabad's
   initiatives was a campaign to include, at the start of each day in
   the nation's public schools, a moment of silence during which all
   children would have an opportunity to contemplate their own purpose
   and responsibilities. Similarly, the Rebbe pushed for criminal-justice
   reform--stressing that those incarcerated must be given the chance
   for rehabilitation so that they too can return to their God-given
   mission in life--at a time when this issue did not command the broad
   consensus it enjoys today.

   Both of these projects, geared simultaneously toward Jews and the
   broader community, reflected the Rebbe's firmly activist view of the
   essential worth of each human being. With a proper moral foundation and
   education, he held, every individual, however highly or humbly
   situated, has the potential to grow and reveal his or her own divine
   spark. It is the mission of Jews to advance that project through
   whatever means they can: teaching Torah, helping to build a soup
   kitchen, giving charity, or adopting and parenting a non-Jewish child
   in desperate need of a stable, loving home.

   Meanwhile, Rabbi Soloveitchik, coming at the issue from his own
   direction, devoted an entire volume of essays, Family Redeemed, to the
   theme of family relationships. In one of these essays, he describes two
   forms of parenthood.

   The first form, "natural parenthood," is represented by Adam and Eve.
   The motherhood of Eve is instinctual and all-consuming; her entire
   being is involved, through the nine months of pregnancy and onward
   through the physical and biological demands of childbirth and child
   rearing. For Adam, by contrast, fathering a child makes no biological
   claims at all; after the child's birth, he is free to act exactly as he
   did before.

   With Abraham and Sarah, a new form--"covenantal" or "redeemed"
   parenthood--is revealed. For the first time, fatherhood demands
   something of men: Abraham must serve as an educator, molding his
   children and the next generation. In this mission, Sarah, the redeemed
   mother, joins him as partner and essential link in the transmission of
   the covenant. Separate from the biological demands made on her as a
   mother, motherhood takes on a larger ethical meaning to which she in
   turn makes a free commitment. At the start of the Jewish people's
   history, God confers on the first foremother and forefather the chance
   to move beyond the innate ties of biology and assume a
   trans-generational mission.
   ...

   By learning from the remarkable work done by American Christians, and
   by actualizing the core Jewish mission through the redemptive power of
   the Jewish family, American Jews can begin to help bring healing to a
   generation of children wounded and forgotten.

I am not a huge fan of focusing on the need for homes as a motive for
adoption. I am afraid of too many children being taken on as chessed
projects rather than letting a normal parent-child relationship develop.
But let me focus on Avodah material.

If someone wants to adopt in order to continue their mimetic line,
(along with the joys and the aggravations of parenting -- kind of like
gilu bir'adah) the halakhos are simpler and cleaner when adopting a
non-Jewish child.

The giyur will be al daas beis din, and the parents are apitrupusei beis
din. There is actually a halachically recognized tie between parents
and adopted child, and the chinukh you provide is a chiyuv. (Not the
chiyuv of "veshinantam levanekha", but still, a chiyuv.)

That said, I still think aniyei irekha qodmin -- as long as there are
Jewish children to be found, in today's climate of Open Adoption the
halachic issues are generally resolvable.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 Worrying is like a rocking chair:
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   it gives you something to do for a while,
Author: Widen Your Tent      but in the end it gets you nowhere.
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF

My comment on a hilchot hochacha (laws of giving rebuke) shiur:
imho an example of trying to codify something that is primarily mimetic.
100 shiurim can't take the place of role models who demonstrate how to know
when it will be accepted and how time and place define when to dig in your
heels on what issues. Also how you evaluate the impact on the individual
vs. the community. Thoughts?
KT
Joel Rich

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On R' Gil Perl's hedgehog piece   https://thelehrhaus.com/commentary/a-modern-orthodox-hedgehog-for-a-postmodern-world/
  :
I would agree that if MO's goal is to maximize the number of adherents, a
simple, clear, black-and-white market value proposition (your hedgehog) is
probably the best marketing strategy. The challenge to me, as I once
responded to one of my boys' rabbeim's question as to why I just didn't put
on a black hat ,is that I just don't think it's what HKBH wants of me. So
perhaps living with nuance means MO will be smaller as each of us tries to
understand the ratzon hashem for ourselves (Each allocating our limited
resources to unlimited mitzvah demands) The real question to me is can we
develop a large enough community of believers or will we end up
predominately MO-lite. (See Conservative Jewry mid to late 20th century)
KT
Joel Rich

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 In Avodah Digest, Vol 38, Issue 1 dated 1/4/2020?



>> We are dealing with an Orthodoxy which, ba'avonoseinu harabbim, thinksthat the Torah is all about bein adam laMaqom.... <<?

--Micha Berger? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
http://www.aishdas.org/asp ? t
------------------------------
>>>>
This is the same accusation that Christians have been making against Jews
for 2000 years and that Reform/secular Jews have been making against
Orthodox Jews for 200 years.? But this accusation is simply not true.? We
Orthodox Jews should not internalize the false image that our enemies have
of us.? This belief that our enemies are right about us reflects a kind of
spiritual Stockholm Syndrome.? Since we are all human beings, of course we
all have our faults.? But Orthodox Jews in general -- Ashkenazim, Sefardim,
Chasidim, Misnagdim, charedim, Modern Orthodox -- do NOT teach or preach
that <<the Torah is all about bein adam laMaqom.>>? In which
strain of Orthodoxy, in which shul or yeshiva or seminary, do Jews have
only five of the aseres hadibros, or a Mishna that lacks Pirkei Avos, or a
Yom Kippur vidui with all the bain adam lachavero parts missing, or a
Tanach with no Sefer Mishlei, or a library with no Mesilas Yesharim or
Orchos Tzadikim or Chofetz Chaim?

--Toby Katzt6...@aol.com
=============
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But Orthodox Jews in general -- Ashkenazim, Sefardim, Chasidim, Misnagdim,
charedim, Modern Orthodox -- do NOT teach or preach that <<the Torah
is all about bein adam laMaqom.>>
--Toby Katz
t6...@aol.com<mailto:t6...@aol.com>
I would simply say community should be judged by the following
???-
Your actions speak so loudly, I can not hear what you are saying.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kt
Joel rich


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On Wed, Jan 15, 2020 at 06:42:12AM +0000, Toby Katz via Avodah wrote:
>> We are dealing with an Orthodoxy which, ba'avonoseinu harabbim,
>> thinks that the Torah is all about bein adam laMaqom....
> 
> This is the same accusation that Christians have been making against
> Jews for 2000 years and that Reform/secular Jews have been making against
> Orthodox Jews for 200 years...


And the Semag made against us 700 yearts ago, in asei #74. In explaining
why, lemaaseh, one does have to return an aveidas aku"m, he writes
<https://www.sefaria.org/Sefer_Mitzvot_Gadol%2C_Positive_Commandments.74>,
tr. mine so see it in the original at the link:

     I already expounded to the exiled from Jerusalem who are in Spain
     and the rest of Goliyos Edom that now that the exile has gone on far
     too long, it is appropriate for Israel to separate from the vanities
     of the world and grab onto the signet of the Holy One, blessed be
     He, which is truth, and not to lie neither to Jew nor to gentile.
     Not to mislead them in any way. To sanctify themselves even in what
     is permitted to them, as it says, "The remnant of Israel do not
     commit sin, do not speak lies, and one won't find a false tongue in
     their mouths." (Tzefaniah 3:13) And when Hashem comes to save them,
     the nations will say, "It was done justly, for they are a people of
     truth and the Torah of truth is in their mouths." But if they act
     with the gentiles with trickery, they will say, "See what the Holy
     One, blessed be He did, that chose for His portion thieves and
     con-men." Also, it says, "I will plant her [the Jewish People] for
     myself in the land..." (Hosheia 2:25) A person doesn't plant a kur
     [of seed] but to produce numerous kurim. So too the Holy One,
     blessed be He, planted Israel among the lands so that converts will
     join them (Pesachim 87b) and every time that they conduct themselves
     with trickery, who will attach to them?

And R Breuer, 69 years ago, wrote "`Glatt Kosher -- Glatt Yoshor" because
he felt a need to remind people that the latter is more important than the
former (translation via RYL). To give just the closing:

   We would welcome a campaign to link a drive for "Glatt Kosher" with an
   equally intensive one for "Glatt Yoshor." This objective is given
   hopeful expression by the Prophet Zephaniah (3:13):

     "The remnants of Israel will not do iniquity, nor speak lies,
     neither will a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth."


As for the wonderful things our community does, a couple of
theories:

While my negative stereotype is truer than RnTK will admit to herself,
it is still just a generalization. The number of people running and
participating in those gema"chs, bikur cholim, the chevrah.... they
don't total anywhere near half of us.

Second, there is just being a religious community. Compare ourselves
to another Middle or Upper-Middle class religious community. Look
at chessed among actual aku"m like the Mormons.

And yet we have the Emes! And we have a system that shapes our lives
to inclucate that Emes, from what we eat to how we put on our shoes!

Third, bein adam lachaveiro also has a BALM aspect, and we do see signs
that it is that aspect that drives much of the chessed. Like the numerous
articles by BT, singles, people who rely on Shabbos hospitality, who so
often leave feeling like they served as an esrog, a cheftza shel mitzvah.

The Alter of Slabodka says something related, about the lishmah of BALC
(found quoted in Alei Shur vol II, tr. mine):

     "Ve'ahavta lereiakha komakha -- and you shall love your peers like
     yourself." That you should love your peer the way you love yourself.
     You do not love yourself because it is a mitzvah, rather, a plain
     love. And that is how you should love your peer."

To which Rav Wolbe notes, "This approach is entirely alien to frumkeit."

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 "As long as the candle is still burning,
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   it is still possible to accomplish and to
Author: Widen Your Tent      mend."
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF        - Anonymous shoemaker to R' Yisrael Salanter


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